Flush it all down

1ST WENTO: it feels like there are so many things happened these past few days. parang ang bilis ng pangyayari, naging mabilis din ang reaction ko sa mga bagay bagay. first my lola passed away (oct 12, 2005) just last wednesday morning. ironically, i thought ill be getting so emotional bout what happened, pano ba naman kase she is the closest person, ung naglove saken, ung nagpalake sa ken, im the fave apo and sya rin naman ang fave lola ko. she suffered from heart problems and causing some complications, sabe ng duktor malake daw ang puso nya. when i came sa hospital for whatever reason parang i knew that was it, she was clinically dead and no matter how brilliant the wonder of science, its just not enough. on her last hours of her life, i hold her hand. i just feel that i have to do it, i was not afraid nor being distracted after holding her cold hand. sabe ng iba, maybe im in denial, im sad but i cant cry it out loud. nagmana nga siguro ako sa daddy. everyone is crying after seeing the physical body finally given up. nag sink in lang saken ung idea that she’s gone when i went home, just being alone in my room. tears are overflowing running down this face. ganun pala talaga un, khit pa siguro prepared ka na someone u love might be gone any moment cuz of a disease, pag dumating ung time na nawala sya, hindi ka pa rin talaga naging handa.

im on leave for a day and a half, after that i was able to go back to work and attend the training, but for whatever reason i was not able to perform compared to what is expected of me, parang biglang nawala ung dating ako, yung tipong prepared for something, excited to show up sa training what ive got, i felt so defenseless that i forgot how i used to perform. i dont wanna think that im bothered by my lola’s death. i dont think so, my mind is ready to go to work. maybe im just disorganized at that time. but now things are beginning to be fine, meron lang talagang time in our lives, na para bang things do not fall at the right places. kelangan ko lang siguro ng tulog…tulog…at tulog.

2ND: ang aim ko starting today is to have a smiling face. OO smiling face! maybe may pagka seryoso nga tong face ko, and ppl see me as nagsusungit. wanko ba d naman ako sibangot, feeling ko kase minsan nakakatamad mag smile lalo na’t wala namang nakakatawa to trigger to smile. siguro nga ganun ang dating ko sa iba, ang saken lang naman this smile will appear naturally, walang pilitan kumbaga. pero naisip ko na siguro kung sasanayin ko nga ang pag smile ko, then dapat madali nga lang aralin pero hindi ko naman lage gagawin un, dahil nakakangalay din un. but ill be doing that often than the usual.

3RD: My Brain’s Pattern

You have a tempered, reasonable way of thinking. You tend to take every new idea in, and meld it with your world view. For you, everything is always changing. Each moment is different. Your thinking process tends to be very natural – with no beginnings or endings.

Your Personality Is Rational (NT)

You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you’re often a little short with people who don’t impress you mentally.

You seem distant to some – but it’s usually because you’re deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate – who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers – like programming, medicine, or academia.

With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can’t take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you’re coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things. Traditional and comforting. You focus on living a quality life. You’re not easily impressed with novelty. Yet, you easily impress others.

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